Mi Mexico Lindo,
I miss you.
I barely got to know you, but I was the happiest I had ever been when I was with you. I remember all the beautiful parts about you. All the colorful buildings and decorations. The greenery of the land. The wonderful smells, like my tias and tios making marmalade and ice cream to sell. The soothing sounds of roosters singing in the early morning (it did annoy me at times, but I miss it now) or hearing the old drunk men play the guitar and sing in the plaza. Every time I close my eyes and think of you, I hear the laughter of my friends and I at school. I imagine returning home to Mama Rosa’s house on a Sunday when every family member would come over to eat morisqueta and catch up on what’s been happening. There was a sense of familiarity when I walked your streets. Did you miss me? I left you when I was only a baby, but I came back to you when I was fourteen. My family and I had planned to stay with you for the rest of our lives, but unfortunately, people are cruel, and we had to flee a year later, leaving you yet again. I had never thought about you before I visited you, and I will always regret not reaching out sooner. I had felt myself best friends with the United States, but when I met you, I knew our bond could never be compared.I barely knew how to communicate with you, English being my primary language, but you taught me how to speak Spanish better. You introduced me to a family I didn’t even know existed. I had always felt lonely and lost in the US, but you filled the hole in my chest with so much love. You opened your arms wide open for me and welcomed me back home. Every time I bite into a mango, I'm disappointed by how bland it tastes. The mangoes from the US will never compare to yours. It will never be the same as walking home from school and plucking a mango from a tree that was hanging over the fence of someone's yard, and taking the first, juicy bite. The juice of the mango would run down the sides of my mouth and fingers, and by the time I was home, I was all sticky from the juice and sweat from the heat of the sun. And I’m not just talking about mangoes when I speak on the blandness of things here compared to yours.
Recently I’ve been reminiscing about my time with you.
Although I always think about you, these recent thoughts of you have left me feeling even more bittersweet. I know that this whole letter has been me talking about our memories together, but know that I’m not just stuck on the past. I think about how in the future I would love to have my kids meet you as well. There's just something about you that changes the perspective of someone's life when they meet you. The humbleness that is taught when living there, looking around and realizing that the opportunities that are offered in the US are so grand. But you offer opportunities in a whole different and amazing way. The warm memories that people make with you and the connections that people create is incomparable. As we get closer to the end of the year and the holidays come, I think about everyone flying back to visit you and their family with you. I really wish that I was a part of that. I jokingly ask my friends who are visiting you for the end of the year to bring me a mango on their way back.
Years have passed since we last saw each other, and so much has happened. I finally dared to let myself be loved and cared for by others. I still have terrible days where I let the past get to me, but slowly, I’m healing. I’m still going to school, and although it gets tough and I want to give up sometimes, I push myself to keep going for the future I promised myself. I know I’ll be able to walk your streets again one day. One day you’ll surround me with your warmth and love again, and I won't feel as lost as I do now.
So, wait for me, because there’s not a day that I won’t be thinking about you.
Sincerely yours,
Andrea Martinez
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