The following piece of fiction contains a collection of fears voluntarily admitted by tutors within the RWC. Enjoy. (* cue creepy cackle...)
Estefani lays under the last surviving palm tree at the end of an unreal day. She curls her knees to her chest and cries for the first time since mankind began growing beards—everyone, that is, except her, and now they’re all gone.
Wolf, Black Widower, and Terri gather at the base of the palm tree for a smorgasbord of worms, mosquito larvae, and scorpions with a side of human blood. Estefani, lay beneath a palm tree. She built herself a nice hovel of sorts on the side of the super Stratovolcano, and she serves as a warm body to feed on, and off of, every morning for the three spiders. Terri, the tarantula, is too scared to climb the palm tree to Wolf and Black Widowers’ web; thus, the breakfast near the ground behind Estefani’s ear. It’s such a quaint spot to gather with its dark hair and warm flesh, and the three friends enjoy sitting behind Estefani’s warm ear as they plan to take over the world.
Here’s how their plan will go down. “After much experimentation,” Black Widower says, “As the sun sets tonight, we’ll mix our various venomous excretions and drop the mixture into the mouth of the volcano as an offering to Mother Earth, and, unlike the human’s inferior nuclear war weapons, it will mix and multiply within the earth’s volcanic veins and spread to the various parts of earth to then destroy the world. It’s very scientific.”
Meanwhile, Estefani dreams of evil spiders making plans to destroy the world. “Ouch!” she screeches, her morning voice like that of squealing tires. She doesn’t have one of those sultry morning voices. No. She feels a pinch and wakes with a start. Estefani flicks her ear and feels something, somethings, crawling down her neck and watches as three spiders run down her leg. There, on the volcanic ashes, lays what looks like dehydrated worms, mosquito larvae, and parts of scorpions. What? The spiders run toward the mouth of the volcano. Man, this is weird.
“It’s too bad there won’t be any more human blood to drink,” Black Widower huffs.
“What the heck. I should go to town today. I’ll need something, or need to tell someone something, or want to hear someone say something, or eat something,” Estefani breathes. “That means potentially making eye contact with strangers. Why do I have to look at other people!” Estefani begins descending the volcano. “If only they didn’t have beards—darn that flu vaccine. The scientists really messed up on last year’s batch.” She thought how fortunate she was for opting out.
Estefani gathers up her courage and decides it’s time for naked feet. Going barefoot always makes stressful situations tolerable. The warm ashes shifting between her toes as she slides down the slippery slope of the volcano soothes her soul and the soles of her feet. It’s a great exfoliant. Up ahead, she sees Boom Boom’s zipline leading to the city below. It’s the fastest way to the city below. Unfortunately, it’s always an awkward experience with the clown. Estefani has a feeling he doesn’t like her very much.
Boom Boom, the volcano’s zipline operator, stomps his feet, pops balloons, and chortles for creepiness’s sake as bearded strangers ride up and down the line attempting to make as much unblinking eye contact with others as possible. As Boom Boom’s feet slap the ground, they send puffs of ashes into the air, and he asks the bearded babies, “Would you like a balloon?” as they smile at him, and with his nails, he scratches the balloons till they burst, sending peals of clownish laughter into the air to then mingle with the screams of children all around. Estefani approaches the zipline and wonders why people ride his creepy ride.
“Please, Boom Boom,” Estefani asks, tapping him on his shoulder. “I need a ride to the city, and none of it’s important enough to explain.”
Boom Boom turns around, and spotting Estefani’s dainty, dirty, exfoliated toes, he immediately poops himself and runs away leaving a cloud of ash, and something else, behind.
“That was easy. I thought I was going to have to pay.”
Estefani fiddles with the harness contraption and secures herself within the straps, propels herself forward and begins yodeling because that’s what everyone should do on ziplines.
While Estefani is busy doing who knows what, the spiders continue to scuttle up the slope.
“Gross!” Terri squeals above the growing roar of the volcano, “I looked Estefani right in the eyes. Humans are so creepy with their two eyeballs.”
“Yeah, evolutionarily speaking, they deserve to be destroyed,” says Wolf. “The more eyes the better, right?” He squints his eight eyes. “Hey, stop. You guys are going too fast. I can’t see that far.”
Black Widower and Terri stop at a river of lava to wait for Wolf. They know not to get too close to the river’s edge. Estefani’s pet shark lurks within the molten rivers and volcano seeking victims off the bank. They decide to take the long route by following the lava to the mouth of the volcano, but they have to make it to the top by sundown. Up ahead, they see a colorful stranger. That beard may be useful. It brushes the man’s feet. Now, that is a magnificent beard in which they can ride to the top of the volcano in.
“Thank you, Mother Earth,” Black Widower shouts (as loud as a spider can shout). “Come on, boys. Time is of the essence. We must mix our venom into the volcano before nightfall. I’m sick of humans! Quick. Get in the beard.”
Estefani’s shorts flap in the wind as she zips over the river of lava toward Rat City- named for its abundance of chicken-like rats. The deformity is an unexplainable side effect of the birth-flu vaccine. Don’t ask. It’s science and stuff. She comes to a stop at the base of the volcano, and begins walking into the city avoiding eye contact with people she passes. Darn social anxiety. Smart people should make a vaccine for it.
Boom Boom is mortified. Why is he so scared of Estefani? He wishes he could make her laugh, especially when he scares the children. All he wants is for her to laugh. “Laugh, darn it!” he yells as he cleans himself up. He begins climbing to the mouth of the cave for no reason in particular. Well, he is depressed. He reflects on his life choices: how he never wants to become like his father, how he ended up working as a clown just like him, and how he will probably die all alone. He follows the river of lava and hears it bubble and crackle. He turns. The lava heaves, revealing a massive lava shark. Boom Boom poops again and runs like a snail, tripping on his shoes, and rolls down the hill. His shoes fly off, his shirt and shorts rip off (apparently shorts are kind of popular in Rat City), revealing to absolutely no one the innumerable number of leaches clinging to his body, and his beard snags on a rock. He’s okay, everyone. He punches the rock with his leach covered fist, shouts some unique clown expletives, rushes up the hill, retrieves his shirt, shorts, and shoes, and slaps the shark in the face.
“That was mean. I don’t like you,” he says and makes pretty darn good time racing up the volcano while re-clothing himself.
Inside Boom Booms beard, the spiders fair quite well.
“That was a close one.” Wolf’s voice shook.
“Yeah,” Black Widower replies. Now look at that. We’re here.”
The acrid smell of lava fills the air. The three spiders disembark Boom Boom’s beard, and stand near the cliff. Terri closes his eyes (this spider can do that, okay) as Black Widower leads him to the edge.
“I don’t want to lose you guys,” says Black Widower. “I lost my wife to the volcano, you know. We never even had the chance to have kids.”
Wolf laughs, “You do know she would have killed you, right?”
“Nuh-uh. She loved me.”
The sun is blinding as it rests above the horizon. The three stand at the ledge, breath in the hot air, go into paroxysmal coughing, and spit into the mouth of the volcano. It is done. Soon, the world will be rid of mankind. Now, they wait for Boom Boom to stop crying so they can hitch a ride back to their palm tree.
The mayhem is immediate. Venom boils and mutates within Earth’s innerworkings. The ground shakes and rolls. Magma chambers burst, sending lava over cities and oceans. Buildings dissolve, people scream, flesh melts, and Estefani stops doing whatever unimportant thing it was she was doing to watch as the chicken-rats awaken from their nests and begin pecking at strangers’ feet and sliding their featherless rat tails across legs. Sneaker sounds fill the air. Monsters crawl out of holes under children’s beds chased out by lava filling their lairs. Homes and families are swallowed up as a flurry of moths surround Estephani. She beets at them as they begin eating at the underwear clinging to her shirt. The chicken-rat print skillfully hand woven into the fabric slowly disappears like her hopes for a future. Far up the volcano, she sees her palm tree still standing and begins running home.
“What a cry baby clown man boy,” laughs Terri. The three spiders climb back into Boom Boom’s beard.
Boom Boom decides to forget all about Estefani. Who needs women anyway? They’re so confusing—always changing their minds and not knowing what they want to do or eat and stuff.
In his musings he hears faint sounds of horror rising from the city below, and he’s thrown in the air. He slams to the ground and begins rolling down the volcano. Rivers of lava snake around him, spiders fly out of his beard, the leaches cling for dear life, and before he can think a logical thought, a casket emerges from the ashes. He falls into it, it closes, the latch locks, the earth swallows him, and he’s buried alive.
Estefani’s legs burn—not from the heat—but from running up the hill. She couldn’t take the lift. That was gone. She couldn’t find her shark. He was gone. But she could see, in the faint moonlight, her palm tree and hovel up ahead. She pauses to catch her breath as the earth continues to heave, and she watches the city below. The lava covers the city. Those who made it to higher ground are dying of toxic fumes. Yet, she is fine. She’s all alone. At least she will be. No one can live through this. Well, maybe spiders.
24 hours later
“She must be immune,” Wolf grunts. “I mean, we didn’t account for this. We inject her with our venom every morning. Human blood. It’s pretty great. Too bad she’s the last one.” Black Widower, Wolf, and Terri finish their breakfast.
Estefani lays under the last surviving palm tree. She curls her knees to her chest and cries for the first time since mankind was destroyed. She allows herself to ugly cry—the kind with snot now and sore abbs tomorrow. Her pet shark comes to greet her. He hates to see her cry. At the bank of the lava river, he holds a gift in his mouth—a casket.
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